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HomeSatireBreaking News: "Indian Institutes of Victimology" to prepare our youth for the 21st Century

Breaking News: “Indian Institutes of Victimology” to prepare our youth for the 21st Century

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As per the new liberal, social justice enabled ‘No Education Policy,’ a new series of IIVs is going to be set up in all State Capitals of India, to prepare our youth in the avant-garde studies and reap its emergent economic possibilities by way of job-orientedness and 100% placement.

That, this news has been cheered and praised by even the opposition parties in India – including leftists, Dravidians and other seculars such as muslim leaguers and congress – gives the hope that India is on the right track towards equitable development, as per ‘Amnesty International.’ The famous magazine ‘India Today,’ in its editorial, has projected that by 2025, the job opportunities for Graduate Victims will skyrocket and would outstrip the demand in the farming sector.

Accenture reports that, export of well-qualified Victimologists is likely to increase by 200% in 3 years. KPMG and Deloitte&Touche estimate that 90% of the world’s Victimologists requirements is likely to be outsourced to India in the next 7 years.

This grand IIVs intitiative is about studying in depth, the new Science of Victimology – its causes, its current state, its prospects – primed across Inder-disciplinary studies.

As per the new age mantra of ‘I am a Victim, therefore I am!‘ the youth will be trained thoroughly in the culture of self help and self reliance in terms of ‘Whatever goof-up, fraud or massacre that I commit, cannot be blamed on me, because I am a victim’ – so that the whole world can excel at victimhood everafter.

To startle with, various branches of Victim Studies would include:

Farmvictimhoodology, Islamic Victimology, Evangelical Victimology, Wokeology, Intolerance studies, Gender victimologies, Castetude, Brahmical Oppressionolgy, Patriarchics, Studies on the burdonsome ethics, Humanlefts, Critical Victimhood Theory, Lost Racistics – epistemological victimhoodology, Colourfulvictimistics, Postmodern Prepast Victimistics, Environmental Victimology and last but not the least, Science-Technology-Victimhood studies. At higher levels, Intersectional Victimologies will be pursued.

Interconnects with IT in terms of Virtual Victimology is a greenfield area for IT experts in India. To tap into it and suggesting an exciting way forward, NASSCOM has published a whitepaper. As per NASSCOM, not the AI sector, but AV – Artificial Victimology is slated to grow by 400% quarter-over-quarter. To prepare for this future, NASSCOM is setting up an Institute for higher learning, for taking Victimological Machine Learning (VML) to the masses.

MVRD (Ministry of Victim Resources Development) clarifies that, there won’t be an entrance test for aspiring professional victims to get into these premier IIVs – institutes of lower learning. The person who applies last will get first preference. Special concessions will be given to the academically challenged or alternatively assessed applicants and also to minorities of all hues, especially to LGTBQABCD++. Any abject failure in non-victimology world will be considered as a positive qualification for victimology – and vice versa.

Physically, the candidates will be examined only for the quality & quantity of the produce of the lacrimal glands and the storage capacity of tears in them. The more they secrete the product and translate that into copious amounts of atrocity literature & victimhood studies, the better will be their chances into the exalted IIVs.

As per MVRD, in future, at least one paper on ‘Victim Studies’ will be made mandatory for ALL students at the graduate level so that our youth become literate about Victimhood praxis. Efforts are on to reverse integrate Victimology studies right from the Kindergarten level.

IIVs. Soon coming to a place near you.

Why are you NOT a victim yet?

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