Monday, July 13, 2020
Home Politics #IamHoneyTrappedHelp : Dear Varun baba, the door is that way

#IamHoneyTrappedHelp : Dear Varun baba, the door is that way

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Abhishek Banerjee
Abhishek Banerjee is a math lover who may or not be an Assistant Professor at IISc Bangalore. He is the author of Operation Johar - A Love Story, a novel on the pain of left wing terror in Jharkhand, available on Amazon here.  

Such moments in life are few and far between so one should savor them to the fullest. Like when the vending machine accidentally gives you two candy bars instead of one. Or the waiter suddenly likes you enough to bring you a free beer on the house. Or when you come home one night in an oddly good mood and find that some problems in your life have solved themselves. And then you curl up with your favorite feel good movie.

Ta ta ta ta ta… tra la la la la la …


Well, that problem took care of itself. I guess BJP can continue with its Uttar Pradesh campaign now without being dragged down by an incompetent dynast with a big ego and lots of friends in *exactly* the wrong places.

Well, Varun baba, you are now free to tap your Whatsapp group contacts and see what they can do for you. Perhaps you can launch a Twitter hashtag for journo friends to volunteer to rescue you: call it something like #IamHoneyTrappedHelp!

Look at the bright side, Varun. On the one hand, you ruled yourself out for the post of UP Chief Minister. I suggest a two minute silence for all the trees that had to die so that there would be posters all across Uttar Pradesh pushing for little Pappu to be made the CM face for India’s most populous state. But on the other hand, you Varun are now free to take up causes that are closest to your heart : such as protecting lying journalists from having a bad day on Twitter. Go take out a “Patrakar Yatra” from Noida to Gurgaon to bring to notice the problems faced by media celebrities.  The two biggest issues facing idea of India experts today are encroachment by the Government of India into Lutyens bungalows and encroachment by common citizens into the media space. I bet you can sit down with Nandita Das and Brinjal to put together a statement of their misery that will finally move the masses.


And Mata ji, you no longer have to embarassed by the ways of your support base in front of your high society friends. Chote Malik has already covered your good name with glory. Now you can take all that glory along with you in to the arms of those who share your good name. We are content to send you our salaams and pranams from a respectful distance. Have mercy on our poor souls and quit the party, please. We beg you.

I really feel for the media on this one. A sex scandal involving the BJP should have been on the frontpages by now. They should have been celebrating by now, relishing the discomfiture of bhakts and sticking it to them. But God has a dark sense of humor. To quote South Park,  God does not laugh at a simple knock-knock joke. God needs deep irony to have a laugh. A BJP leader is caught in sleaze and bhakts are loving it, while those in Lutyens rush to provide cover. Why o why…why could it not have been some other BJP leader?

You know Varun, Karma can be a …. Well, I could tell you what it can be, but then you would report me to the Whatsapp group and I don’t want any more drama. Let’s just say Karma can be a “honey” sometimes. Simply put, what I am trying to say Varun baba is that the door is that way. Don’t let it hit you on the way out.

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Abhishek Banerjee
Abhishek Banerjee is a math lover who may or not be an Assistant Professor at IISc Bangalore. He is the author of Operation Johar - A Love Story, a novel on the pain of left wing terror in Jharkhand, available on Amazon here.  

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