You know how there’s a saying that some people walk into your life and change it forever – unfortunately, Sushant never walked into my life but I can say he’s definitely left a lasting impression on me. I don’t know why this feels like a personal loss – I don’t know why I still haven’t been able to come to terms with what has happened – maybe it’s because a part of me connects with him on some levels, or maybe because of the cruelty that the industry he loved showed him hurts me and frustrates me. He was just such a down to earth, genuine person; let alone Bollywood actors and actresses he was better than all of us on this planet.
He was just so different (in a good way of course) and had so many talents- he was everything that people strive to be. He had goals – he was ambitious and he worked on his own to achieve everything – he wasn’t born with a silver spoon in his mouth like some of the other actors and actresses. He also had something else that many actors in the industry don’t have (or at least don’t use): brains. He was so intelligent and always open to learning new things – he was always absorbed in his books trying to understand the world. And he didn’t stop at just understanding the world; he tried understanding as many people as possible and helping them – genuinely helping not just distributing stuff and getting PR clout. He was just so, so amazing it can’t be put into words – his charisma, his talents, and everything else (including his looks too) were on a whole new level.
I’ve written a lot but it’s still impossible to express how inspiring he’s been-impossible to describe how much I loved his movies-impossible to put into words how amazing he was-and quite frankly impossible to write as well as him. And since I can’t put all these things into words of my own, I’ll use some of his words to describe him: “Somewhere between neurons and narratives, he was born, dreamt and died.”
When I watched Dil Bechara, it absolutely broke me when he told Kizie to pretend he wasn’t going anywhere – that he wasn’t dying. It’s something all of us would ache to pretend. Kizie and Manny, unsure if each moment was their last, tried living life with a smile on their face but worry engraved deep into their mind. We, unfortunately, don’t have any more moments left to cherish with Sushant, and I guess all we can do about it now is try to encapsulate our feelings through words and raise our voices for justice. Although the thousands of words in the dictionary feel too little, here’s a heartfelt note to our photon in a double-slit…
I know you’ve always been a guy with big dreams, Ishaan. I know you’ve been a man of composure, talent, and a stellar attitude, Mahi. I know you’ve always been a change-maker, Anni. I know you’ve been a Satyanweshi (truth seeker) in real life and reel life, Byomkesh. I know, Mansoor, that you’ve been one of the most selfless people out there. And I know that you’ve always been a fighter, Manny. I know you’re watching on from above – watching as people are opening their eyes to the persistent issues and fighting for change. You’ve always been so optimistic and selfless and something tells me you are happy where you are. I too am happy with the change that has been brought about but at such an immense cost – your loss was truly the greatest fault in our stars. It’s just too hard to believe that I’ll never see you on the big screen again. That I’ll never see your cute sarcasm-that I’ll never see that cheeky smile again-that I’ll never experience flawless acting again. Don’t worry though, Sush – I’ll always remember you, continue to be inspired by you, and remain forever grateful to you – Seri?
