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Media to form Alliance with Congress, waiting for Internet to come on board

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Congress Patrakars have been very upset at the lack of Congress ability to stitch up alliances. They have been very vocal on social media – possibly emanating from the common WhatsApp group that they are all part of – but this time it is not orchestrated, it is genuine. Given this circumstance, a logical next step has happened.

The media or a section of it has announced an alliance with the Congress for the 2019 election.

They have decided to drumbeat the achievements of the prince and his new clothes that would put an alliance to shame. In fact, Pseudosecular Patrakaars who lost many a free airline seat and shopping trip have decided to pool their collective influence for the prince. After all, free shopping and travel is a thing to vie for. Sonia-air loyalty miles go very far over generations; without an expiry date.

There is an entire team to manufacture his adventures like you see in the superhero movies. Somebody crafts all those backstories and sequels and prequels so that, you see a coherent stories while they mint money by you watching all those movies (sometimes thrice so that your kids understand what happened like you listen so many times to the princes videos to just understand whats being said). Behind all those cute prince pictures is a story whose driving principle is “Life is but a series of photo opportunities”.

Behind every speech is a story of a script painstakingly written, knowing fully well that it will not see the light of day or be laughed upon – think of the speechwriter who lives through this each day. But I digress, this is all about media aligning and projecting Rahul Gandhi as the numero uno challenger to the kommunal Narinder Mudi.

The media team is projecting every achievement of India (or Nehru or Indira) as his – after all, generations conspired to get Rahul here. What is an alliance here and there when the media is there?

Let me take you back to 2013, which incidentally was the 4th Rahul ‘comingof’ age. Slight digression: Unlike the geographic ages, Rahul has only one age – comingof. Rahul had won the UP polls in the newspapers and media even before the first vote was cast – not counted. Why, in some newspapers, Congress rules UP and Rahul is the CM. The EVMs may have counted the votes, but the heart – the pseudosecular heart beats for Rahul and Rahul only and sometimes his sister.

As part of the alliance, media wants no seats, not in parliament atleast. They do want seats on the plane that Rahul will travel. There a thousand positions to be filled. Rahul needs writers, editors, correctors, script rejiggers, input interpreters, output interpreters, photographers, dimple counters, food bloggers, achievement generators, history creators and more. Rumour has it even AI and ML jobs are on the anvil. With so many jobs at stake with just one person, it is no secret why the media has announced an alliance with Rahul. When one person can create so many jobs, what is Mudi?

Meanwhile as the prince goes about connecting rural areas with railways and promising roads and electricity mostly he is promising what Modi has already done apart from the easter eggs like promising potato gold factories and rafales at 1600 rupees – every house will have one rafale, media cleverly shows only the princes new clothes. Atleast one social media site has been reportedly part of the alliance, a bird tweeted.

Now, if only they could bring the internet on board this alliance – thats it – from then on, it will be Rahulman who will win..

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