If looking for a post graduate, domestic help service providing girl, then why not marry a maid! Nothing wrong in that, by doing so your all headaches are gone and this will not screw up the life of other girl who may not want to do house work.
More than a year back I was looking for a match for my sister. During that time I was on phone with one boy.
During discussion….He was like Didi both girl and boy are two wheels of one cart and both of us need to play our part to keep the cart of life moving ahead. I was like ya.
He continued, Didi like I work outside home and earn money and my better half use that money and work at home to run the home and have kids and take care of them.
This completely puts me off, though I kept Calm. I wanted to hear everything from other side without confronting.
Then I said do you think these roles can be reversed like you stay at home and run home with money that your partner earn and take care of home and kids. He took a pause and then said yes we can also do that but also depends on salary of my partner and he added I would love to stay at home if someone else can earn for me. However we should all do work based on our strength and the work we are good at. Meaning if my salary is good I should earn and if her salary is good the she should earn and I stay at home. By doing this we get good money at home and house work will also get done.
I was still not convinced but had less points to put forward as we are always told while running big projects that the success of project is possible when each one of us do what we are good at then we can give best outputs. Of course at some times we also need to do things that we don’t like but if large part of things we do what we like then it’s good combo.
I was thinking what he is saying make sense but I am not comfortable with that, I see that as kind of regressive thought process.
So I asked him what and who should decide, which person is good at what?
He said its simple, if I earn more money than her then I am good at earning money. And if I cannot do house work then I am not good at it. (It was all I, I and I)
I asked, so at what time we should assess this? is at the time of marriage or it can be done later as well?
He said can be done anytime and can be revisited, but will start from the time do marriage.
Then I asked him is there a scope of learning and improving what you are not good at so that you can become good.
He said that that can be done with time.
Then what if the person is not good in doing any of these roles right now. Like person earning less (as its quite in open that females get paid less for same type of job) and not good at house work too (because they have not done that work at all) at this point in time but have huge potential.
Like my case my first salary in 2006 was less than my pocket money I use to get from my father and now I earn more than 200 times of that salary. If he would have demotivated me or insulted me at that time on the package I was earning I would have taken a back seat may be. He always encouraged me and always respected what I was earning. He does not need to tell me that I earn less than my pocket money, it was simple math that I can do myself.
My father always shared his experience and how he work and how he deal with people, so that I can pick things from his experience. He always boosted my self esteem and result is in front of you.
My father treated us in the way he expected us to be treated by others, by doing so he thought us how we should be treated. If we are not treated like the way we are taught that is straight no no for us.
I told that boy, if you insult and judge your partner based on current earning then you completely block the endless possibilities she can excel. If you always think her as domestic help then it’s better you marry a girl excellent in domestic help why to for for well educated girl.
It’s huge unjustified to marry educated girl and ask her to do domestic work, when she has capability of doing wonders even if not then you should motivate her to do so.
At the same time you can also employe domestic help by doing that you will give job to other person.
You are looking for partner who is equal to you in every sense and not someone who can take care of you like your mom, sister or maid.
However after all this I had already made my mind that I am not looking for person like him for my sister. I am looking for someone who love and care for her even before himself and who became part of her dream. A person who work as partner with her so that they both achieve what they want to achieve. No one is sacrificing or compromising.
This was a mindset of well educated person from IIT. He contacted me few times to get contact number of my sister, I said no we are not going ahead.