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HomeSatireHere is the 'secular' Calendar for 2018 with list of Holidays and how to...

Here is the ‘secular’ Calendar for 2018 with list of Holidays and how to celebrate

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DATE DAY RELIGION HOLIDAY How To Celebrate
14-Jan-18 Sunday Hindu Makar Sankranti File a petition and ask for a ban on Kite flying. Organize protests to save birds from Kite threads. Write articles against Kite flying. We are bird lovers.
14-Jan-18 Sunday Hindu Pongal File a petition and ask for a ban on Jallikattu. Write articles against Jallikattu and how harmful it is for poor Bulls. We are animal lovers.
14-Feb-18 Wednesday Hindu Maha Shivaratri Write articles against superstition. Organize awareness campaigns against wastage of Milk and ask people to instead distribute it to poor. And remember, we don’t lead by examples.
14-Feb-18 Wednesday Christian St. Valentine’s Day Celebrate the day of love and friendship. This day teaches us to live in peace and harmony.
2-Mar-18 Friday Hindu Holi Write articles against Holi. Organize awareness campaigns against wastage of water and ask people to celebrate only dry Holi. Only we will decide how to celebrate a festival.
30-Mar-18 Friday Christian Good Friday A festival of communal harmony and peace.
15-Jun-18 Friday Muslim RamJaan A festival of communal harmony, peace and joy. Let’s flood the internet with best wishes to our Muslim friends.
21-Aug-18 Tuesday Muslim Eid-al-Adha Another festival of communal harmony, peace and joy. Time for PETA to go on leave and we still love animals, this time in our plates.
26-Aug-18 Sunday Hindu Raksha Bandhan We hate this festival of patriarchy where a brother wants to protect his sister, don’t forget to write a provocative article. Any provoked Hindu will be labelled as Sanghi and communal bigot. Only we will decide how to celebrate a festival.
2-Sep-18 Sunday Hindu Krishna Janmashtami File a petition to ban human pyramids and using kids in Dahi-Handi. Court will take care of rest. Only we will decide how to celebrate a festival.
13-Sep-18 Thursday Hindu Ganesh Chaturthi File a petition to ban loud speakers and use of public place for Ganesh Pandals. Ask provoking questions and post blasphemous comments on lord Ganesha. Don’t forget to label any provoked Hindu as Sanghi and communal bigot. Only we will decide how to celebrate a festival.
20-Sep-18 Thursday Muslim Muharram Muharram is a day of communal peace and harmony.
17-Oct-18 Wednesday Hindu Navaratri Time to write an article against Goddess Durga and to tell the world how cunning Aryans used Durga to setup a honey trap for mahishasur to kill the poor fallow. This is Mahishasur martyrdom day for us.
19-Oct-18 Friday Hindu Dussehra Time to write an article against Ram and to tell the world how cunning Aryans killed poor Ravan for a small kidnapping.
27-Oct-18 Saturday Hindu Karwa Chauth We hate this festival of patriarchy where a Wife fasts to show her love for her husband. Don’t forget to write a provocative article. Any provoked Hindu woman will be labelled as slave minded, backward, anti-feminist bigot. Only we will decide which festival to be celebrated.
7-Nov-18 Wednesday Hindu Diwali File a petition to ban fire crackers. This doesn’t mean we will stop using cars, a/c, cigarettes. We know, court won’t let us down. Don’t forget to write articles to shame Hindus for bursting crackers. Only we will decide how to celebrate a festival.
21-Nov-18 Wednesday Muslim Milad un Nabi Such an auspicious day of communal peace and harmony. Let’s celebrate the day with Sheer Korma and seviyan.
25-Dec-18 Tuesday Christian Christmas After waiting for a year, finally the festival of lights, gifts and joy has come. Let’s play secret Santa and distribute gifts to everyone.

 

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