Here is the ‘secular’ Calendar for 2018 with list of Holidays and how to celebrate

DATEDAYRELIGIONHOLIDAYHow To Celebrate
14-Jan-18SundayHinduMakar SankrantiFile a petition and ask for a ban on Kite flying. Organize protests to save birds from Kite threads. Write articles against Kite flying. We are bird lovers.
14-Jan-18SundayHinduPongalFile a petition and ask for a ban on Jallikattu. Write articles against Jallikattu and how harmful it is for poor Bulls. We are animal lovers.
14-Feb-18WednesdayHinduMaha ShivaratriWrite articles against superstition. Organize awareness campaigns against wastage of Milk and ask people to instead distribute it to poor. And remember, we don’t lead by examples.
14-Feb-18WednesdayChristianSt. Valentine’s DayCelebrate the day of love and friendship. This day teaches us to live in peace and harmony.
2-Mar-18FridayHinduHoliWrite articles against Holi. Organize awareness campaigns against wastage of water and ask people to celebrate only dry Holi. Only we will decide how to celebrate a festival.
30-Mar-18FridayChristianGood FridayA festival of communal harmony and peace.
15-Jun-18FridayMuslimRamJaanA festival of communal harmony, peace and joy. Let’s flood the internet with best wishes to our Muslim friends.
21-Aug-18TuesdayMuslimEid-al-AdhaAnother festival of communal harmony, peace and joy. Time for PETA to go on leave and we still love animals, this time in our plates.
26-Aug-18SundayHinduRaksha BandhanWe hate this festival of patriarchy where a brother wants to protect his sister, don’t forget to write a provocative article. Any provoked Hindu will be labelled as Sanghi and communal bigot. Only we will decide how to celebrate a festival.
2-Sep-18SundayHinduKrishna JanmashtamiFile a petition to ban human pyramids and using kids in Dahi-Handi. Court will take care of rest. Only we will decide how to celebrate a festival.
13-Sep-18ThursdayHinduGanesh ChaturthiFile a petition to ban loud speakers and use of public place for Ganesh Pandals. Ask provoking questions and post blasphemous comments on lord Ganesha. Don’t forget to label any provoked Hindu as Sanghi and communal bigot. Only we will decide how to celebrate a festival.
20-Sep-18ThursdayMuslimMuharramMuharram is a day of communal peace and harmony.
17-Oct-18WednesdayHinduNavaratriTime to write an article against Goddess Durga and to tell the world how cunning Aryans used Durga to setup a honey trap for mahishasur to kill the poor fallow. This is Mahishasur martyrdom day for us.
19-Oct-18FridayHinduDussehraTime to write an article against Ram and to tell the world how cunning Aryans killed poor Ravan for a small kidnapping.
27-Oct-18SaturdayHinduKarwa ChauthWe hate this festival of patriarchy where a Wife fasts to show her love for her husband. Don’t forget to write a provocative article. Any provoked Hindu woman will be labelled as slave minded, backward, anti-feminist bigot. Only we will decide which festival to be celebrated.
7-Nov-18WednesdayHinduDiwaliFile a petition to ban fire crackers. This doesn’t mean we will stop using cars, a/c, cigarettes. We know, court won’t let us down. Don’t forget to write articles to shame Hindus for bursting crackers. Only we will decide how to celebrate a festival.
21-Nov-18WednesdayMuslimMilad un NabiSuch an auspicious day of communal peace and harmony. Let’s celebrate the day with Sheer Korma and seviyan.
25-Dec-18TuesdayChristianChristmasAfter waiting for a year, finally the festival of lights, gifts and joy has come. Let’s play secret Santa and distribute gifts to everyone.

 

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