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A 10 point guide to being called an ‘Eminent Intellectual’ in India

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This article Bhakts of demonetization are proof we have lost our capacity to think by ‘his eminence’ Sri Sri Valsad Thampu is, perhaps, the perfect example of how to write absolute crap and still be called an ‘Eminent Intellectual’ in India.

By reading this and other articles by such eminences, I have evolved a 10 point guide to being called an ‘Eminent Intellectual’ in India of today. Please see how religiously Sri Sri Valsad Thampu follows this guide. And if you want to be called an ‘Eminent Intellectual’ yourself, please do follow the guide– its easy!

A 10 point guide to being called an ‘Eminent Intellectual’ in India

  1. Oppose everything that Modi does (even if he asks you to breath to live) and  address all Modi supporters as BHAKTS! (This automatically gives you the ‘escape Velocity’ to be termed as a ‘free-thinking,’ unbiased, intellectual, liberal in India).
    Once you follow this one rule, half the battle is already won rest of them really don’t matter much. But still do read further and follow to be absolutely sure.
  2. Doesn’t matter if you have only crap to write, you write the crap in flowery language. Mind you, lowly Indian languages will not do. You have to use the Queen’s language – English to have any chance.
  3. Doesn’t matter if its relevant or not, you also have to use quotations and names of Western Philosophers, Authors etc. (Hannah Arendt, Nietzsche, Descartes)– What else would you do, when your original writing has no Dum (strength)? Haven’t you seen the sellers of fake brands use original labels D & G, LV etc.
  4. Doesn’t matter what the topic is that you write on- Fascism, Hitler all have to come in and you have to draw great parallels between the rise of Modi and rise of Hitler and Fascism.
  5. Doesn’t matter if you don’t give any data yourself in your article, you have to castigate the ‘Bhakts’ for believing all that is told to them without asking for relevant data.
  6. Doesn’t matter if you have no reasoning/ logic to give in your article, you should have examples to show how much you care for the poor of this country and how your true intent is to ultimately ‘uplift the poor!’
  7. Doesn’t matter if your love & loyalties lie with Jesus, Allah or a certain Queen Bee beyond any other group, community or nation, you have to castigate people who have loyalty and love for their nation..err..not all nations, only those who have love for India.
  8. Doesn’t matter if you have no frigging idea of what the true India is, you have talk about the ‘Idea of India’ and how it’s under threat today.
  9. Doesn’t matter if anyone calls you an anti-national or not, you have to call yourself an anti-national!
  10. And lastly, doesn’t really matter if you know nothing about the topic you are writing on, you just have to give a good, condescending headline and then follow rules 1 to 9 given above.

Do like and share this helpful guide if you agree.

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