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We don’t need hospitals: Give us the India Prayer Service, in name of Mother Teresa

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Abhishek Banerjee
Abhishek Banerjee
Abhishek Banerjee is a columnist and author.  

It’s a great day for the cheerleaders of rationalism. Mother Teresa’s second miracle has been officially recognized by the Holy Father in the Vatican. Let’s find out:

Pope Francis had officially cleared the path to Mother Teresa’s sainthood on December 17 last year, when he recognised the “miraculous healing” of a Brazilian man whose multiple brain abscesses were cured after his wife prayed to Mother Teresa.

I have an idea. Let us get rid of hospitals, medical colleges and all… and instead create a new officer cadre called Indian Prayer Service (IPS). The officers will be recruited through the UPSC exam and trained to pray to Mother Teresa to cure sick people.

You know, I have been taunted by many “progressive” liberals about my desire to see a temple at Ram Janmabhoomi. They ask: what is the need of a temple? Why not something useful like a hospital? Well, the joke is on you liberals… what is the need for a hospital? Can’t you just pray to Mother Teresa instead?

So, what’s this ceremony called “canonisation” that makes a person a saint? Let’s find out:

The beatification of Mother Teresa – another step towards declaring her a saint – took place after Pope John Paul II recognised the healing of an Indian woman with a stomach tumour and conferred on her the title of “Blessed” on October 19, 2003. More than 300,000 people had attended this event at St Peters Square in the Vatican….A canonisation ceremony usually involves a special mass conducted by the Pope and is attended by huge crowds of believers. It is often held outdoors in St Peter’s Square, although sometimes the ceremony has been held in the home country of the person declared a saint…. The cost of beatification and canonisation reportedly runs into several hundreds of thousands of euros.

So lakhs of people will come from all across the world and spend hundreds of thousands of euros to celebrate the miraculous cure for brain cancer! I am sure that these hundreds of thousands of euros could not possibly have been put to better use… I am sure that the lakhs of people who will gather could not have spent the money for their travel on anything better. I am also sure that this event will have a ZERO carbon footprint and no impact on the environment. On an unrelated note, have you donated Rs 20 to a hungry child yet, instead of wasting the money on pouring milk over a Shivlinga? If you haven’t, Aamir Khan is ashamed of you…

And at this grand ceremony on Sept 4, the self styled godman called Pope Francis will officially recognize the “miracles”  of Mother Teresa. Wait, can I call Pope Francis a “self-styled godman”, perhaps like this:

Pictures of Amruta Fadnavis, wife of the Maharashtra Chief Minister, is drawing criticism because it shows her accepting a gold necklace from a self-styled godman.

I wonder what other way there is to become a “godman” except being self-styled. Oh wait, “Pope” Francis was actually elected by a committee of godmen called cardinals all of whom have been accredited with the official bureau of Godman standards called the Catholic Church. Can’t argue with that. So, Pope Francis is an “accredited godman”  instead of just being a “self-styled godman”.

But, I will tell you who definitely won’t be coming to accredited godman Francis’s  zero carbon footprint party on Sept 4 when he canonizes Mother Teresa? It’s a 34 year old Eritrean woman who worked in the accredited godman’s  ashram and was found seven months pregnant…and dead…

Look at the good side of this, folks. We don’t have to call her “Mother Teresa” any more once she becomes “St. Teresa”. Mothers don’t stand by watching as babies suffer and die, refusing to treat them. Think about it, people. There’s “Mother Teresa” in heaven, with the magical powers to cure the suffering of people on earth. Does she use those magical powers to help us all? No,  Mother Teresa sits  around chilling in heaven after death, refusing to help anyone with brain cancer unless they satisfy her ego by praying to her so she can get some medal from an accredited godman in a lavish party… Attributes of a mother? I think not…

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Abhishek Banerjee
Abhishek Banerjee
Abhishek Banerjee is a columnist and author.  
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