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Exclusive: Mamata lists all the past threats to her life which no one knows about

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Mamata Banerjee who has been recently subject to various conspiracies to remove her, had a relaxed and candid conversation today with our editor in chief where in she listed all the threats to her life she faced till today which no one knows about. We later penned down all the threats as described to us by our Editor in Chief. His recollection may or may not have been accurate:

  1. As usual Mamata Didi was at the bi-annual Kolkata Derby of East Bengal vs Mohun Bagan or also commonly known as the bi-annual violent slug fest. As the two sets of spectators were busy killing each other, Mamata noticed that there was a football game going on and that most of the freekicks were being kicked in her direction. Also on a couple of occasions, they narrowly missed her face. Such footballs possess a grave threat to one’s well being and it was concluded that all the free kick takes were Modi supporters who wished harm to her.
  2. Once Mamata didi, decided to visit the heritage school of Shantiniketan founded by Rabindra Nath Tagore. Education is still delivered there, the old fashioned way, under a large banyan tree by the teachers. Once after feeling nostalgic she decided to sit in one such class. As she was sitting, she noticed twigs of the Banyan tree kept falling on her head and she figured that it wouldn’t be long before the whole branch came crumbling down. So after leaving the class she ordered the immediate arrest of the tree and alleged that Modi had done a deal with the tree to cause her grave harm.
  3. Once, being a down to earth leader, she decided to visit a humble tea shop. Keeping up with the Bengali tradition she ordered a plate of Shinghada and Chop with her tea. But probably in a bid to impress her, the tea seller served her the stuff steaming hot. Didi being unaware took a sudden bite that almost burnt her mouth.  She then alleged that as Modi too was a tea seller, he after getting tired of Chai pe charcha, was now indulging in Chai pe assassination using all the nation’s tea sellers as his hit men.
  4. As rainy season came so did the time to eat the Bengali delicacy of Hilsa fish in mustard gravy. Didi had one cooked at her home. As the density of bones in the Hilsa fish are the largest among all fishes, one such bone got stuck in her throat eating. After incessant coughing did she manage to get it out of her mouth. That particular Hilsa was later found to be a member of BJP’s aquatic wing.
  5. Once during IPL season Didi went to watch KKR in action and conspicuously was provided a seat just near the commentary box and incidentally the commentator that day was Navjot Singh Siddhu. And experts say had she been exposed to Siddhu’s commentary for five more minutes anything could have happened. What adds credence to the conspiracy angle is that Siddhu at that time was a full time BJP politician, unlike the freelance politician he is now.

This article would be updated if and when our editor in chief recollects the rest of the stories shared by Mamata Didi.

PS: The original author of the article doesn’t want to reveal his name, hence the article is published under ‘MyVoice Staff’ name.

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